So my brother is a pretty big fan of mine. He even read last month’s blog post. He looks forward to my blog posts so much that he even recommended to me a topic for this month: LOVE. Yep, here it is recorded by the book of face (this is what my volleyball teacher calls it) at 1:53pm on January 11th: “May I suggest a topic for February? L-O-V-E… I know you'll have lots to say about it”. So, my rejoinder to me brother’s request is YOU BETCHA. I’m feelin’ the brotherly love here, but I’m getting ahead of myself already.
So let’s say you’re like me this Valentine’s season—single, livin’ life, busy with school/work, callings, etc. This is my question for you: How do you make Valentines, for lack of a better way to say it, not a downright depressing one?
Imma (my English Professor would cringe if she saw me using the word “Imma”) be taking a few quotes from some books I’ve come across and have mused about lately to try to attempt an answer, as well as to make my big broder proud (said with lips pursed and cheeks sucked in). Well here are two points we can look at and consider.
1. Finding Real Friendships
“I have no duty to be anyone's Friend and no man in the world has a duty to be mine. No claims, no shadow of necessity. Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
So I can’t say I have read through this entire book. Lewis confuses me sometimes in the parts I’ve read. Okay, he confuses me a lot. But I once in a while I find a gem like this one. I like his point about the necessity of friendship—there isn’t one. While pheromones and feelings give our bodies the natural tendency to be attracted to the opposite sex, friendship is void of that physical necessity that accompanies other types of love. Just having a friend—a true friend, is one of the most valuable types of love in the world. There is the trite saying that you can choose your friends but not your family. Most of the time people say this when they’re badmouthing a family member or just attempting light-hearted jokes to them (like me to my brother currently). However, another important part of this is that you really can completely choose your friends. No one forces you to spend time with the people you do (okay, if someone is forcing you then that’s kinda crazy, and you likely will have a depressing valentines day no matter what suggestions I give). But what I think is important, and what Lewis says, is that it gives value to our existence. Or, in other words, meaning. So, to sum things up in point one: find faithful friends.
2. Find Extraordinary Among the Ordinary
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
William Shakespeare, Sonnet 130
In this sonnet, Shakespeare has had enough with all the ostentatious descriptions of men describing ladies (including his own in previous sonnets). Here, he is cutting the fluff in describing this lady—but not necessarily getting tough—even though it may seem like it initially. This girl doesn’t have the reddest lips, or the best complexion, or smell as good as perfume all the time (lets be real, who DOES?!), or has awesome breath (when it says reeks here, it just means producing a smell, not necessarily a bad one). She doesn’t have a picture perfect bod. Yikes. If I was this girl reading this I’d be pretty distraught after the first 12 lines. But, Shakespeare saves his final couplet to teach an important lesson, one that might help us all out on V-day; in the way we look at others, as well as ourselves. It is this: with all the flaws and imperfections we have as humans, we can, and should still find ways to connect meaningfully with people. Just as Lewis mentioned that friendship is not necessary, and therefore harder to just naturally be good at, I believe Shakespeare is saying that it takes the same kind of work and perseverance and patience to make it work with someone in this world, whether it’s a friend, family member, or significant other. Simply put, Shakespeare says it's rare when people love each other knowing full well their opposite's follies and faults. I hope you’re not taking this as a “don’t expect much” from people attitude. I’m not saying that. What I am saying is how we, for all our faults and weaknesses, can still enjoy and benefit from the perspectives, words, actions, and kindnesses of others, no matter how imperfect they may be. A close friend of mine recently told me a definition of love that he came across. The definition describes loves as something that can be thrived in, as a flower “loves” the sun. So, who are the people who you thrive around? Have you thanked them for being your (going along with the metaphor) sunlight recently? I know I can improve.
Well folks, that’s all she wrote. To my bro, I hope you’ve liked my little lesson on love, and to everyone else, have a great V-day, single or otherwise ☺
